Work With Jan
As a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor I help clients heal and transform difficult emotions such as confusion, sorrow, anger, fear, anxiety, and hopelessness into generative emotions such as hope, clarity, confidence, and peace. I teach my clients the skills needed to develop a better quality of life and richer, more fulfilling relationships with themselves and others. As a result of this work, my clients discover freedom from shame and isolation.
My 35 years of working in the counseling and social services field has been varied and rich in experience. I have worked intimately in all aspects of adoption and foster care; with those experiencing the effects of trauma, such as survivors of sexual abuse, domestic violence, human trafficking victims, Veterans of war, and other individuals suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve also worked closely with people who are in bondage to various forms of fatal addictions and with those who love them; with folks in extreme poverty; and those suffering with mental illness.
Adoptive Parents feel shame because they have experienced infertility issues; birthparents experience shame because they became pregnant and they do not have the resources to provide for their child, or because their children were removed from their care due to neglect or abuse; adoptees experience shame because of the primal wound of their perceived rejection and abandonment by their biological parents. Even adoptees from the most loving adoptive families report feeling that there is a piece of them missing. Growing up in a home where a parent or caregiver is full of anger and rage may have taught you to walk on egg shells: living in such an environment is fertile ground for shame. Trauma victims experience great shame as they grapple with the unspeakable happening in their lives and go through the litany of “if only and what ifs.” There is incredible stigma and shame regarding homelessness (try to be a teenager living in a homeless shelter and not wanting your friends at school to know), poverty, mental illness, and growing up in foster care. Even people who grow up in a fairly healthy and functional home can internalize shame due to an experience in their lives. Shame is experienced by people of faith and people who report no connection to a faith or practice of spirituality. Individuals struggling with addiction are wrought with shame, as are those who love them. Addicts swear never to drink, use, gamble, overspend, view pornography, overeat, purge—only to experience the mental obsession and/or physical craving that once again feeds the same cycle. Every relapse adds another layer of shame. Shame is at the core of all addictive behavior.
Shame makes us feel small, embarrassed, different, broken, unworthy, humiliated, angry, remorseful, anguished, and self-reproaching. Guilt occurs when we feel we’ve done something bad, but shame is what we feel when we think we are bad. There is a big difference between “you made a mistake” and “you are a mistake.” The esteemed social worker, researcher, and best-selling author Brene Brown, Ph.D., defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”
and “you are a mistake.”
Shame doesn’t have to be about something we’ve done; we can, and often do, feel shame as a result of something that was done to us. Shame can make us want to run away or shrink, hide ourselves, apologize for who we are, and build a wall of protection around ourselves. Shame also makes us angry and defensive, jealous, and revengeful. Shame is often at the root of damaged relationships, unrealized potential, infidelity, a plethora of addictions, as well as the drive towards care taking, rescuing, perfectionism, achievement, performance, and accomplishments as means of gaining acceptance and approval. Shame whispers lies to our soul.
The good news is that shame loses its power when it is uncovered, recognized, and expressed. This means that we have to be willing to be vulnerable. The foundation of my Counseling practice is focused on gently and professionally guiding individuals, couples, and families who are experiencing the effects of shame through the healing process. I know this journey well, both personally and professionally. I know first-hand the immense rewards of this work.
Over the years I’ve had the privilege of counseling hundreds of people through this process of claiming their freedom from the shackles of shame. The memories of some of these experiences still bring tears to my eyes.
“We can’t solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used to create them.”Albert Einstein
I am passionate about helping people just like you:
Inquisitive seekers who no longer want to settle for the status quo, who are ready to challenge the unspoken family rules and long-held beliefs that no longer serve you well. Men and women who have the courage to be vulnerable by sharing your experiences, fears, and emotions.
Are you ready to invest in your life and your future? If so, I can help you.
If you are ready to make changes in your life and are seeking a qualified Professional Counselor, I am committed to walking side by side with you as your guide to freedom. To schedule a session to explore the possibility of our working together, just click the link below and leave me an e-mail message, including your availability, and I will be sure to respond at my earliest opportunity.
Session
During our full (60minute) session, I will get to know you. I will ask you to share with me your current struggles and what has brought you to counseling. I will then ask a number of very specific questions by way of a formal assessment. Following your assessment, we will write out your lifeline (capturing significant experiences and losses in your life), and genogram (family map). These foundational practices will provide us with the information needed to complete a treatment plan which will guide our work together should you choose to continue our work in subsequent sessions.
Healing the shame that controls our decision making, productivity, sense of self, finances and relationships is a process and an investment that pays off in all aspects of our lives. I hope you’re ready to invest in yourself and your life. I look forward to hearing from you.